Forbidden Love

I love you
I really really do love you
more than the world
and much more than myself

But I fear it's too late,
too late to confess
too late to remind you
I'll always be there for you

Also, what I fear is coming true
you like someone else
have you liked me before?
it's too late now

I've warned myself a couple of times
it it's not now, it might be too late,
if I ever had a chance,
definitely not now

There's no more need to confess,
I'm positive you know,
I am utterly and harshly
falling in love with you

And so, because you know,
what I feared is coming true
first I lost a good friend
second, I'm still in love with you

From the day I realized
I couldn't stop thinking about you
I also realized, it's hopeless
nothing can shape reality

I'd never been right for you
and you'll never be right for me
an immortal can never get along
with those who are human

And someone like me,
will hold back,
continue through the sorrow
until one day, death hits me

And because I'm not meant for you
and you're not meant for me
I give up.
We'll never be together

Although, no matter how much I regret,
I'm still in unconditionally in love
with you

Striving through this
forbidden love
on my own

8 billion

Out of over 8 billion people in this world
there's only one person I want
only one person I truly admire
and one person that is my soul mate

The person I want, I think about daily
the person I admire, pulls me through
my soul mate is destined to meet me
though death might arrive before it

So in the same matter,
out of 8 billion people,
someone wants you, admires you
and then there's your soulmate

Your soulmate may come too late, but there's no harm to hope
The person who worships you, will stick by you 'till it's gone
The person that wants you,
will be by you no matter how big or little the situation

I could tell those things to you
But they are all lies,
no one is perfect, no perfect love,
no perfect life

Because out of 8 billion people,
chances are you'll never meet your soulmate
and out of 8 billion wishes
a few come true

But out of all 8 billion people
the person I want, is you

Concealed Hatred

Hidden from the world
I choose not to reveal
but in my terms of needs
I choose to conceal

Conceal all that there is inside me
my pain, my hatred, my fury
for no one would understand me
and then again, nothing will set me free

I'm trapped in my own threat
cornered into the depths of my wounds
Even if I choose to run,
it turns back around and hits me again

"you're inhuman," I tell myself
a beast that hates all life on Earth
don't get me wrong, I choose to conceal
all this hatred, my personality, its worth

What would other's think
when my thoughts hit them hard
when I show them my pain
when I rip them apart

Even to those who are perfect
I show them their worst nightmare
the parts that only I see
the hatred living deep in there

Think about it again
and then tell me I'm inhuman
because that's what I am, and it's true

Darkness

Sure, it's sunny outside
but it's pitch black in here
I reach out to the distance
but no one is there

As pure and beautiful as
this world may seem
it's not possible for someone like me
to exist in such a place

For there is soul in everyone
in everything of this world
Except me of course
I do not belong here

In other places,
peace, calm, free
I also do not belong there
for nothing can match me

For there is so much hatred,
darkness, inside me
that no words can explain
No senses, nothing to hear, nothing to see

Inside there is only hatred
everything but love, peace, and passion
because I hate so much
there's nothing I could do to resist the temptation

I'll spare you

And take me away instead
the only way to free myself
from the darkness

Co-existance

Haven't heard from you in years
and yet you call me again that day
asking to get me back
I'd tell you I would, if there was a way

I'll be the first to admit
I still love you, even if a bit
But when you threw my heart away
I was cornered, fell into a ditch

You tell me, somehow, there's a way
And yet for the past year, I ceased to exist
Sure enough, I was nearing the end
Now if only I could fine the exit

And now I'm left, wandering alone
as your words, your promises
left stalking me, echoing
as if it was all that was left of our memories

You know I can't let it go
like it was never part of me
to co-exist with another
in which I'd never be free

So you called me again to meet me that day
But I'll be the first to admit
I'd rather die than stay away.

Living For You- Fahrenheit

I never knew why I wake up in the morning
I space out at work & when I eat
I wonder if that counts as feeling happy

I'm not surprised that my life is a little empty
So that you can come & carry my burden

Thank you for coming out of this sea of people to meet me
When you called my name
I realised my connection to the world
Loving you lead me to find my strength
After meeting you
I'm not afraid that time will run away

Living for you takes away my loneliness
You are there to share my troubles & joys
That is more happiness than one deserves

There is only a future when you are present
Every single thing is worth the anticipation
We can love each other everyday

Without you ~ yeah

Without you, this world is empty
Trillions of strangers out there
I wouldn't care if there was one less
But loving you made me realise that
I actually have emotions
I can cry, laugh, have a beating heart & actually breathe
I can have a beating heart & can actually breathe ~

Living for you takes away my loneliness
You are there to share my troubles & joys
That is more happiness than one deserves

There is only a future when you are present
Every single thing is worth the anticipation
We can love each other everyday

~Sick to the point of puking.

Oh gawd. As we speak right now, my nose is getting stuffed again. My stomach is going on the rumble of cramps and it's getting annoying. Haha better than this morning.

Last night, I literally woke up once every hour. Like on the dot. Gets on your nerves, especially when you're sick and you're just hoping to sleep and hopefully wake up better the next day.

This morning, I woke up "early" for volleyball practice. Well early for me anyways, 6:00 buddy, it's horrible. But then again I didn't really get tired in the first place, seeing that I couldn't sleep at all.

You know how you have times where there's just one point in the day, no matter how hungry you were before or how hungry you will be after, your food just doesn't take affect for that one specific time of day? Yea, I didn't eat this morning before practice, and I took my "Tylenol cold." They say you can't take meds without food. Tehe, I practically got drunk during practice.

Even before first period, I wasn't hungry, so I ignored the breakfast I brought. I started catching a fever too x]. Not my fault.

Tehe, I'm sick still, can't wait to get better.

Wandering alone (lyrics)

Because no one understands me, so I chose to separate myself from this world
I’m feeling a little tired, my belief is broken now
My white sneakers, can’t bring me back to the bustling seaside again
The light of the moon, brightens up a lot of smiles
The crazy pictures stop in front of me, but our mutual understandings have gone far from us
The future that we promised to endeavor together, now it is me alone who is walking towards it

Chorus
I roam among the crowded past, reminisce the free summer I’ve gone through
Sitting alone beside the merry road, the beer did not turn sweet, but I lost the silly but serious ambition
I roam along the lonely border, missing the days I laughed happily
Listening to the familiar music, but the piano melody is no longer there
I hope I could go back to the day that the misunderstanding happened
And had a chance to apologize

Forever (another emoish poem)

Snowflakes are waiting
yet to reach the ground for the last time

The stain of sorrow came with it
as the whiteness surrounded me

I could hear, very clearly,
your calling from behind me

Your warmth forms in an embrace
surrounding me telling me you're here

...forever

But everything has an end
just as the blizzard began it's storming

your body turned cold

... where was my forever?

You had told me once that you loved me
but waking up, I slipped on the ice

It was over.

My heart, no longer in pain.

My forever gone.

The snow bleached red.

Welcome, death.

... um... random emoish poem...

I live through my life in pain
tell me when it would go away

My story retold with tears
sorrow filling in these lines

Losing you is not what frightens me,
rather the pain within you that scares me

same to the factor of death
it's merely the pain that I fear

One gunshot, one stab
all of pain

Why can't life end peacefully
and why can I not die without causing others sorrow

for it's not the pain that interests me
it's the mere thought of death itself

so why can't I just end my life now?
while my passion of death is left yet to fade

let me lift in your arms of the angel
let me fly with you away

if god had a reason to put me on the Earth
it was you, you to put out my fire


Kill me now.

I found you...don't run away again... please?

Haha, I feel like a brat, a spoiled kid, and it's all because of you. Now that I'm writing about it, I'm day dreaming about it. The 30 seconds in which you held me, with so much love I felt as if you were mine, all mine, like that one girl I hate so much, never existed. I wanna thank a couple of people for helping me get it, but I'm too happy right now to care.

My tall freak, was mine again for a mere 30 sec - 1 min. I tell you I hate you, but how can I, when one movement as little as it may be, attracts me to you. At that time it was only me and you, like the rest of the world never existed, I couldn't help but slip from reality. Your embrace was more than I imagined I could handle. I pained me, stabbed me when you pulled away. But then again, your warmness was still there.

I was crying, more often than usual. Truthfully speaking, not that long ago, I cried, 7 days in a row. Not long hours and hours of crying, but enough to pain me for days causing me to cry again the next day and everytime I talked to you. I wondered if it was just talking to you, and then you told me you sent your computer to fix meaning you wouldn't be online.

I didn't cry that day.

But you made me cry again today. You know what emos are don't you? They've called you one numerous of times. And I am one now, you know that too. Emos; emotional, self-confined, idiots, that hate life. Right, first you cared, you screamed everytime I said "life sucks", so much for caring now huh?

I cried today.

Big deal, you didn't care, hah until my ex came up to me. You hugged me then, because you were told by him to. Don't you know? I feel vulnerable whenever I'm around you, like a hopeless loser, the one I am inside, the one that I hide from the rest of the world. And at that moment, when you took me in an embrace, I felt safe again. From that moment, the rest of the world didn't matter anymore. Though I was still in tears, it didn't matter, I had your shield around me again. I wanted it to be forever, but I ask for too much.

Thank-you

The best time I ever had in a long time. It's all because of you.

I love you.