This weekend, I've fallen deeply in love with this guy... needless to say, he's 3 years older than me. And I have no idea what to do with myself. I mean , it would be easy if I went to the same school as him. But worse than ever, I'm in a different level of school than him. Middle school and High school... it's hopeless. But still, I was hoping. Hoping that maybe he would put our age difference aside.... and maybe...maybe give us a chance.
So I was thinking... maybe... maybe there's a chance.
I know, I'm delusional.
And so... I confronted one of the people I always confront about my cousin's friend (which is the dude I like.) My cousin's boyfriend (the one I confronted) was like: "Three years... as in grade 8-11 right? That's ... not so good because one is middle school the other is high school."
With that... I gave up...
However I couldn't stop thinking about him.
I wanna try, whatever it takes.
But it's impossible.
He'll continue running through my mind until it's all over.
Tuesday, November 25, 2008
Friday, November 14, 2008
Life is unfair
And so, I don't even needa tell you that I'm depressed, just know that I am because I'm writing.
Yesturday, we had a presentation. My friend was "Mr.Walt Disney." and so he brought in mickey mouse.
Today, I began playing with it after school, taking it from his locker. When I turn back, his partner had locked it and he was at a tournament so I couldn't open it either way. I went up to his partner, who was also my friend and had a crush on for a bit. I asked him to open is locker. He snaps back at me. "You took it out, you find out the combination and open it!" he literally yelled in my face.
I walked out of the classroom and put the Mickey in my locker and ran into the gym for v-ball. Mid-way into the gym, I started crying, so I darted into the change room, sat, and started bawling my eyes out. And then I remembered how I've just recently gotten over him, and how for the past two weeks everything was different.
He found out I liked him two weeks ago, and started ignoring me. He ignored me for a week except for an occasional hi. The next week, it was getting better, but still, it's as if he doesn't know I exist, until my stage of depression for another reason. (one I might explain later.) Finally, he said something that connected to the old him, "Bonnie, what happened?" he asked, in the most caring tone I'd ever seen come out of him. Of course though, I was in depression.
After that, he started tell me all this crap, depressed, I ask for a hug. He knows I'm in a really bad state and I know he was joking, but really, it wasn't the right time for something like that, "Hey, I know it is mean, but, if you keep giving people hugs and asking for hugs like that, people will think you're a hoe. " So then, I knew the hoe part was a joke and all, but seriously, do you think it was the write time to catch me with that type of "joke?"
The next few days, he gives me all this crap about "Who told you to talk? I never said you can talk so don't talk!" So you know what, sure I know it's a joke, but to me, being called a "bitch" I was prepared to sac him.
So yea, while I was bawling my eyes out, I've noticed how nothing is the same anymore. He doesn't joke with me like we used to. We don't talk anymore. I admit that I might've changed a bit. But seriously, I was never in the mood for something like that. Whenever I went through depression, I could only think of him, but I backed away whenever he came close.
As of now, I don't know what to do with myself. Depression had never been my best part but I've never been hurt so much by this one person, I don't know whether to confront him or live life ignoring him. He was my important friend, someone I could always depend on for a joke. But as of now, he needs to find out how to take jokes from reality. I wanna cry, bawl my eyes out until my tears are dry to the limit.
I don't wanna talk to him ever again.
Yesturday, we had a presentation. My friend was "Mr.Walt Disney." and so he brought in mickey mouse.
Today, I began playing with it after school, taking it from his locker. When I turn back, his partner had locked it and he was at a tournament so I couldn't open it either way. I went up to his partner, who was also my friend and had a crush on for a bit. I asked him to open is locker. He snaps back at me. "You took it out, you find out the combination and open it!" he literally yelled in my face.
I walked out of the classroom and put the Mickey in my locker and ran into the gym for v-ball. Mid-way into the gym, I started crying, so I darted into the change room, sat, and started bawling my eyes out. And then I remembered how I've just recently gotten over him, and how for the past two weeks everything was different.
He found out I liked him two weeks ago, and started ignoring me. He ignored me for a week except for an occasional hi. The next week, it was getting better, but still, it's as if he doesn't know I exist, until my stage of depression for another reason. (one I might explain later.) Finally, he said something that connected to the old him, "Bonnie, what happened?" he asked, in the most caring tone I'd ever seen come out of him. Of course though, I was in depression.
After that, he started tell me all this crap, depressed, I ask for a hug. He knows I'm in a really bad state and I know he was joking, but really, it wasn't the right time for something like that, "Hey, I know it is mean, but, if you keep giving people hugs and asking for hugs like that, people will think you're a hoe. " So then, I knew the hoe part was a joke and all, but seriously, do you think it was the write time to catch me with that type of "joke?"
The next few days, he gives me all this crap about "Who told you to talk? I never said you can talk so don't talk!" So you know what, sure I know it's a joke, but to me, being called a "bitch" I was prepared to sac him.
So yea, while I was bawling my eyes out, I've noticed how nothing is the same anymore. He doesn't joke with me like we used to. We don't talk anymore. I admit that I might've changed a bit. But seriously, I was never in the mood for something like that. Whenever I went through depression, I could only think of him, but I backed away whenever he came close.
As of now, I don't know what to do with myself. Depression had never been my best part but I've never been hurt so much by this one person, I don't know whether to confront him or live life ignoring him. He was my important friend, someone I could always depend on for a joke. But as of now, he needs to find out how to take jokes from reality. I wanna cry, bawl my eyes out until my tears are dry to the limit.
I don't wanna talk to him ever again.
Thursday, November 6, 2008
Love Chronicle- Full moon wo sagashite, Lyrics
why? I've completely forgotten how to love
meetings will come someday with the beginning of parting
somehow, I have decided upon that idea
you tied my loose shoe laces of my dirty sneakers
your shy smile suddenly shone in the sunlight
it's not that I love for want of love
you gave me the courage to love straight-forward
the two swear to the journey from now
that no matter what occurs, the two hands will never part
it's weird, the everyday landscape begin to seem special
the flowers, birds, and sea the wind, mountains, sweet sun
when everything shines and cuddles togetherhana
I found the last piece to the unsolvable jigsaw puzzle
your broad back protects me and I'll continue to follow you for eternity
until now, I've took the longer way around but
I'm finally able to love straight-forward
the two will head to the dream of tomorrow
no matter what occurs, the gaze won't be shifted
it's not that I love for want of love
you gave me the courage to love straight-forward
the two will head to the dream of tomorrow
no matter what occurs, the gaze won't be shifted
it's not that I love for want of love
you gave me the courage to love straight-forward
the two swear to the journey from now
that no matter what occurs, the two hands will never part
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