Well here's the first thing that I want to tell you. This isn't my first heartbreak. However, it's the first time that someone I really love, was being yelled at by me... for no reason. I feel horrible. Though I think that he wouldn't be reading this for shit in this world (btw who reads stuff for shit anyways?) To be straight forward, I've never yelled at this one person in all my life. And that person just happens to be my crush, the person I'm... utterly... in love with... (not obsessed... i think.) And last but not least, he's my best friend.
I've never yelled at him in my whole life (for the two years I've known him =P) Well, now that I think back, I didn't yell at him. I couldn't stand talking to him. Yea, I know, sounds worse eh? Yes, it was bad. But whenever I talked to him, my heart would sink and it made me more confused everytime.
I've been trying for a long time now, to stop liking him. Only because I know those feelings can not be returned, and it won't progress from where it is now. However, I can't do that anymore, no matter how hard I try. He is more to me than a friend, and you know what? I don't give a damn if he doesn't feel the same why, I'm a big girl, I can handle it.
I'm feeling miserable now because I've been acting really mean to him lately. And you know what he said yesturday when I finally talked to him?
Me: "Yea, don't you notice? I go through mood swings all the time"
Him: "Yea but not to me :("
That one line killed my heart, and now I don't know how to live with myself for ever hurting him like that. The most I can do now, is wait 'till he find someone he likes and gradually get away from this feeling, no matter how much it pains me.
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