Right... the title is self explanatory.
Note to all the readers out there. Never fall in love with your best friend.
I'm dieing in pain out here. And dieing over and over again inside there.
I had a crush on my best friend for two years now. And on the third year, I've decided, I've finally fallen in love with him. It wasn't that long since the last time I confessed. He knows doesn't he? That I love him more than the whole world? Then why does he intend to hurt me so much? I don't blame him. He loves his gf.
I've thought numerous of times to commit suicide right there. Nothing deep enough that I actually was seconds away from my death. But enough to debate on the least painful methods. This morning, I thought about my final death will. Something along the lines of:
"If someone finds this, please send the following out to the people I wish to send this to;
(his gf): Dear (name shall remain anonymous) your boyfriend (aka my best friend) is a really good guy. He wouldn't hurt you for any shit what so ever, treat him with the love he deserves, or you will regret it. He's lucky to have found someone he loves, please don't hurt him or I would never die peacefully. Thank you
(my best friend): Dear (______) There's only one thing I need to tell you, I love you, more than anything in the world."
Suicide was really high on my scales. I was prepared to do it since my parents left that morning. But then I thought, 'one final bye, just once' I waited online for him. As if on cue, he came on a few minutes after me. I told him how I felt, how much it pained me to see him together with his gf. He apologized.
Then... he told me he would break up with her if it made me happy.
I cried at that exact moment. How could I agree? I wouldn't hurt him for anything, I can't, I don't want to see him sad.
I rejected.
He told me he didn't want to see me sad. But then I thought, if he was sad, what difference does it make if I'm sad now? Better off killing one heart rather than two.
"Don't," I told him, "I rather you be happy, I'll be okay."
And with that, I sealed away my heart. Leaving all the pain inside of me. Killing me every second I live. All to say this.
Please don't be sad. I'll do anything, I'll give up my heart, Live the unbearable pain...
As long as you are happy.
I love you.
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2 comments:
bonnie, i'm praying for you and I'm here for you, no matter wat, don't you ever forget, that i;m here. I know I might not mean much compared to how it would mean if he were there for you, but just remember me. if you died, he's not the only one who would be upset. you have so many other people who would care. if you can't cause him pain, then don't, and don't die. if God wanted you to, He'd have taken your life away years ago. There's a reason why you're still here. God has a lot of work that you have to do, and you can't stop before you've begun.
tyvm. ^^ i know u'll be there for me. =P sooner or later... hopefully sooner... i'll be over it... =D
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