My Mind Is Just Another Era Of Pain And Confusion.

Yes. Usually I would put up something titled along the lines of "Another Attempt Of Blogging Because Of Boredomness" but this time, I'm just gonna let you know a bit more about me. And really, at the end of all this, you wouldn't be able to understand a single word you read anyways. All you really need to know:

My mind isn't a fun and happy place.

So if you're here to read about lepricauns or something happy along those lines, either come back another time or get a new blog to visit. I warned you.

March 19, 2009

These were my exact words the time I decided to write it down (and of course a whole load of other things I wanted to write to branch off from my thoughts but I didn't have the writing speed.) :


" I was sitting in fron of the piano, jotting down notes of how I felt as I thought back of those times. My mind flows a lot more freely when I have time to think and especially during the time I'm caught in the moment playing piano. When thinking, only 10% of the time it's about the present. Less than 5% about the future, leaving 88% about the past. Meaning of course, I dream more than I hope.

A lot of times I feel like a hypocrite. I tell others, and very much try to convince myself that when in the future, I think about the past, it should be about the good memories, not the bad. And no doubt, 90% of the time, I fail to follow my own words.

There's no doubt about it, the people in the world who I hate the most are hypocrites. So when I ask myself "then what am I?" Without hesitating, my answer is "another one of them, I hate myself too."

The only places I can find refuge in, is my music. Whether playing an instrument or singing or even just merely listening to a song (even if it's not my favourite type of style,) that's the only place where I don't feel hypocritical, where I am truthful to myself (and now you guys.)"