Wednesday, April 1, 2009

Moving On Shouldn't be this Painful.... Should It?

For the past 3 weeks, I've been dating my current boyfriend, Johir. To others, it's a clear difference that I have moved on from my last break up with my ex, (because I clearly like Johir a lot.) But it's not that simple. Usually when people refer to "moving on" they refer to the pain disappearing and learning to be happy again.

Can I have a refund?

My form of "moving on" took place already but really, the pain is all still there.

I know I moved on because :
  1. I mostly think and dream about Johir. (Except when I'm thinking about the past of course)
  2. I used to doubt it, but now its clear, I really did develop feelings for my bf.
  3. In some ways, I think a lot about the previous break up but 60% og me thinks that I shouldn't regret it because I'm with a very caring guy now that loves me a lot.
  4. I'm thankful for my boyfriend. I want to be with him. When I'm missing someone, I'm missing my boyfriend not my ex.

I don't think I moved on because:

  1. I care a lot about my ex, especially because he has a heart problem and barely has enough time left to enjoy life.
  2. I loved / love (I'm not sure which) my ex a lot more than how much I like my boyfriend now.
  3. I'm always making my boyfriend feel bad because I talk about my ex a lot.
  4. The pain when I think about the past, the emptiness inside of me. I don't think any of you would understand unless you truely did love someone as much as I loved him.

So really, I don't know what is going on. But there's more to the story. I'll tell all that later.

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